1339 shopping days until 13.0.0.0.0 4 Ahau 3 K’ank’in.
The Official Potato Chips of the Apocalypse?
Now in fine vending machines in Cubeville break rooms everywhere–Or at least in the break room vending machine nearest to my windowless cubicle in Hell. Sisters and Brothers, pilgrims and seekers, I must ask–Would you part with coin to purchase an allegedly edible snack product branded Death Rain? Would you send your tongue what Angels fear to be fed–and actually ingest said product? Not me. I left that cat unkilt.
I hoard and drop my quarters for cold cans of diet Dr. Pepper, otherwise known as my diet Lord and Savior, nothing else, and quickly return to the WCIH to resume my duties as the Personal Satan of my evangelical coworker. Actually, being a Personal Satan to my grievously religious comrade in wage-slavery is a free service I perform just by being in the same room with him–all I have to do is be myself.
Last Friday, after my coworker had departed for the day, I spied in his work area some badly photocopied pages of a document that turned to be instructions for a 30 day prayer watch, and a set of “Kingdom Prayers” to go with. I quote:
((Spelling and typography are as found in the original, my interjections placed in double parentheses.))
Word from the Lord: Operation word curse has been occurring all around you daily. You must place intercessors on watch for an Intense 30 days. The atmosphere will change and the momentum will turn. After the watch (intense) has ended, they will see the difference of prayer ((…and so on…))
Instructions for the Prayer Watch consist of:
Pray that the Kingdom message will advance.
Pray that prayer will intensify. Pray that the eyes of our understanding will be enlightened during this time. Sensitivity (discernment) increased.
Pray that leadership awakens and overcomes at the Gate! A Gate is a place for contending, watching, making sacrifices in worship ((!)), administering justice… The Gate is the object of as foe’s attack and therefore must be strengthened (Judges 5:8, Psalm 147:18)
Pray against the spirit of resistance. Pray against the Jezebel spirit that is coming against the church.
Pray for the building we are to occupy at the end of August to manifest.
Pray for all the leaders in the house to get in position and go forth.
Pray for the Men to take their full position in the Kingdom work at Gethsemane.
Pray for the city to be impacted with the Kingdom message.
Pray that every home of Gethsemane will continue to seek the Kingdom and change comes to every home during and after this 30-day watch.
Pray the Prayer of Confrontation- to confront someone or something means to face them in hostility or defiance, or to come with opposition. The prayer of confrontation directly addresses a structure that has been set in place in opposition to God’s will. This type of prayer not only outwits the devil but also humiliates him and his forces in the process. ((…and so on…))
As the Lord leads we will add more things to pray for…
((Selected)) Kingdom Prayers
Lord because we do not fear, you empower us to walk and receive your rule and dominion, your reign, your royalty, your riches, and your righteousness. We proclaim and embrace the full dimension of your kingdom in our lives. Father it is your delight and it brings you great satisfaction to give us the dominion rule ((…and so on…))
Lord we seek the kingdom of God’s expansion into areas that were the strongholds of the enemy, into the school systems, into every area that you have ordained in this season.
Lord we seek the kingdom of God’s impact upon the lives of men and women who don’t know the glorious benefits of your kingdom.
((…and so on…))
Lord Jesus we thank you that we cannot be destroyed by the weapons of the enemy because of the righteousness of the kingdom of God. Lord we pronounce and declare Satan’s weapons are nullified against us and all the childrem of God. Jesus we claim your peace ((!)), your righteousness, your security and your triumph over opposition. ((…and so on…))
We pray come Rule, Reign, Royalty, Righteousness and Riches of God, into every aspect of our lives, and into our entire existence.
We pray that the kingdom will rule as we execute God’s instructions that He has revealed to us.
((…and so on…))
There is also a page of “KINGDOM SCRIPTURES” which consists entirely of quotes from the Gospel of Matthew; Matthew 16:19 will give you the flavor of it:
And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
Now, I knew that my coworker is wont to mutter prayers, and sing hymns under his breath, but I didn’t know he had a script. “Kingdom” is quite the dog whistle; when I googled “Kingdom Prayer” I found this extraordinary document, which speaks forthrightly of the Bible as military manual for spiritual warfare against “diabolical opposition,” suggests that the faithful form “fireteams” segregated by sex, and calls “Kingdom focused…intercessory(‘nother dog whistle) prayer” a “superweapon” comparable to an atom bomb. Onward, Christian Soldiers, marching as to war.
I spend more time in the same room with this man than I do with my wife. He’s been working with me for several years. We’ve gotten along reasonably well. If he truly believes in this paramilitary form of Christianity, he’s been–quietly–trying to vaporize Yours Truly his Personal Satan with the superweapon of prayer for some time. He’s seen me in my Pope drag! In his presence I’ve mocked, blasphemed, and heaped scoffage on every that’s good and holy. According to the Kingdom manual, what I have instead of a soul should be by now thoroughly marinated in the Blood of the Lamb, and rotating on the spit in the Lord’s Holy Rotisserie.
It must be very frustrating for him. But, as Rabbi Ben Sheba said, “God cannot afford success; it is the failure of God that creates, sustains, and perpetuates all religions.”
Dr. Omed's Tent Show Revival 
